A Cut Above The Rest

I happen to think that a bris, or any type of ceremony that celebrates the mutilation of the human body, is a shande — a barbaric shande! Not to mention that chopping off the foreskin reduces penile sensitivity, thus making sex less pleasurable.

Keeping the car in the garage keeps its sheen. Same with the penis. In fact, I’d go as far as to say I have foreskin envy. I want mine back! It can be done but I’m not going to delve into that here (Google “foreskin restoration”).

Just try to have this conversation with a Jewish woman. I dare you. Jewish women can not have an intelligent conversation about foreskin. Worse is trying to discuss not having a bris with an expectant Jewish mother. The very mention of the word makes them cringe and gag. They become physically ill and even have trouble with the well-heeled ewww — a word that Jewish women, particularly JAPPY ones pronounce in three or four syllables.

For Jewish women, the “ewww factor” of an uncircumcised penis, on a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being the ewwwiest) is a 12.

Covenant shmuvenant.

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  • Dennis Siple

    For years I have been wondering – How do we know that Abraham wasn't just a perv who had a fetish for genital mutilation?!! I mean, after doing himself he got to exercise his blood fetish and mess with all the men in his tribe (and then some), and got away with it by saying he was told to do it by a guy whose name shall not be mentioned. Sounds pretty fishy to me.

  • Fishy indeed! There had to be an easier way for him to touch other penises than to concoct such a bloody ritual. I mean he could have told them he was checking for social diseases, crabs or even offered manscaping services — all of which I've used in the past with great success! But genital mutilation!?! Clearly, the patriarch of our people had of sick and twisted fantasy life!