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New Jew Review: New Words

March 13th, 2009 No comments

New Jewish words. Thanks Gayle!

Jewbilation (n.) Pride in finding out that one’s favorite celebrity is Jewish or that your offspring is marrying a Jewish person.

Torahfied (n.) Inability to remember one’s lines when called to read from the Torah at one’s Bar or Bat Mitzvah. (OR from the Hagadah at Passover)

Matzilation (v.) Smashing a piece of matzo to bits while trying to butter it.

Bubbegum (n.) Candy one’s mother gives to her grandchildren that she never gave to her own children.

Chutzpapa (n.) A father who wakes his wife at 4:00 a.m. so she can change  the baby’s diaper.

Deja Nu ( n.) Having the feeling you’ve seen the same exasperated look on your mother’s face, but not knowing exactly when.

Disoriyenta  (n.) When Aunt Linda gets lost in a department store and strikes up  a conversation with everyone she  passes.

Hebort  (v.) To forget all the Hebrew one ever learned immediately after one’s Bar or Bat Mitzvah.

Jewdo  (n.) A traditional form of self-defense based on talking one’s way out of  a tight spot.

Mamatzah Balls (n.) Matzo balls that are as good as your mother used to make.

Meinstein  – slang. “My son, the genius!”

Mishpochadots (n.) The assorted lipstick and make-up stains found on one’s face and collar after kissing all one’s aunts and cousins at a reception.

Re-shtetlement  (n.) Moving from Brooklyn to Miami and finding all your old neighbors live in the same condo building as you.

Rosh Hashana-na-na (n.) A rock ‘n roll band from Jewish Brooklyn.

Yidentify (v.) To be able to determine Jewish origins of celebrities, even though their names might be St. John, Curtis, Davis or Taylor.

Minyastics (n.) Going to incredible lengths and troubles to find a tenth person to complete a Minyan.

Feelawful (n.) Indigestion  from eating Israeli street food, especially falafel.

Dis-kvellified (v.) To drop out of law school, med. school or business school as seen  through the eyes of parents, grandparents and Uncle Sid. In  extreme cases, simply choosing to major in art history when Irv’s  son David is majoring in biology is sufficient grounds for dis-kvellification.

Impasta (n.) A Jew who starts eating leavened foods before the end of Passover.

Kinders Shlep  (v.) To  transport other kids besides yours in your car.

Schmuckluck  (n.) Finding out one’s wife became pregnant after one had a vasectomy.

Shofarsogut  (n.) The relief you feel when, after many attempts, the shofar is finally blown at the end of Yom Kippur.

Trayffic Accident  (n.) An appetizer one finds out has pork.


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Disgusting Words We Hate

February 4th, 2009 1 comment

More “Disgusting Words We Hate”

Many months ago I told you how I hated the words ‘moist‘ — horrible and disgusting unless used to describe cake; and, ‘primordial soup’ — always disgusting. Always.

At ObsessiveJew.com, we never rest (we’d like to rest but of course we can’t. Why you ask? Because we’re trying to please you!) and are constantly compiling lists of annoying habits, complaints, extremely Jewy names, and yes, disgusting words we hate. (This list is still in formation, and will, most likely, never be complete. For that I feel terrible. Guilty as hell. Now I wish I hadn’t even brought it up.)

Instead of merely listing words that annoy me, I’m going to list words that annoy my dearest friends. The act of doing so might entertain others but will certainly further antagonize and alienate my friends — with whom I already have a tenuous relationship.

Again, I feel horrible about this but, as they say, if you can’t take a joke, get out of the kitchen!

Maria’s Most Hated Words: 

  1. Moist (We’ve covered this before.)
  2. Horny
  3. Box
  4. (Just an observation, but taken in order, 1, 2 and 3 do make for a perfectly disgusting trio!)

Jill’s Most Hated Word:

  1. Phlegm (Brilliantly disgusting! Brava Jill! This one, incidentally, is on my list too.)
Lee’s Most Hated Words:

  1. Panties
  2. Moist Panties (An interesting combination of two truly disgusting words and a term I’ll be adding to my list immediately!)
Drew G’s Most Hated Words:

  1. Vomit
  2. Mucus (Great variation of Most Hated ‘Phlegm.’)
Ggreg’s Most Hated Words:

  1. Cilantro (Ggreg hates this word because he has no taste buds. I don’t understand either.)
  2. Reggae (He says this about Reggae: “Actually reggae makes me cranky and squirmy, though not ska for some reason.”)
John’s Most Hated Word:

  1. Felch (This is just plain disgusting. Thank you John!)

Let us know your Most Hated words by leaving us a comment!


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Pain in the Tuchus: Yiddish Word of the Week

January 26th, 2009 No comments

This week’s word is Tuchus.

Some dictionaries spell it like this: Tuchis.

No matter how you spell it, its definition remains the same. Here goes:

Tuchus (also Tuchis)
noun | slang
Buttocks, rear end, butt

 

Uses: “This job is a pain in the tuchus.” Or, “Irving is working his tuchus off!”

Please feel free to leave us your own uses of the word tuchus in our comments section.

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Categories: Yiddish Tags: , ,

Words or phrases I hate

January 3rd, 2008 1 comment

Just a quick post before I hit the hay in my sister’s basement (I will fill in the blanks later on how I got from my mother’s house, to LA, then back to New York and then back to the burbs in subsequent posts)…

There are words and phrases that just plain bother me and I wish people would just stop using them, at least around me.

I’m going to get this list going. Feel free to add your own:

  • Moist. It’s just plain disgusting unless used to describe cake.
  • Primordial Soup. Again, it’s just plain disgusting when used to describe, well, anything. Yes, even on the Discovery channel!


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