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Posts Tagged ‘Suburbs’

Snow schmo

February 22nd, 2008 No comments

We got eight inches here last night (I know what you’re thinking and it’s wishful thinking! Oh, and you’re a pig!) Terms like “Winter Wonderland” are being thrown around as if a storm of this magnitude is actually a good thing. Here are some pictures I took of this mess:

(Click the thumbnails to see full size)

The Not-So-Perfect Storm

Beautiful you say? Here’s what I see:

  1. Unpaved roads which means I have hardly a hope of release from my suburban prison today.
  2. Massive delays on the Long Island Rail Road.
  3. The horrifying possibility of having to shovel my parents driveway.
  4. A black slushy mess awaiting me once I do get into the City.

My ex always said, “Most people like to see the glass as half full.  Pessimists see the glass as half empty.  Your family sees the glass as dirty.”

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Desperate for Attention Jewish Housewives

January 4th, 2008 No comments

This Episode: “Mary Beth and the Nanny Fucker”

I was having a suburban lunch with my sister and the girls when the subject of the Nanny Fucker came up. I was immediately drawn into the conversation. Who wouldn’t be? (Yeah, I’m talking about the guy across the restaurant listening in!)

The tale of the Nanny Fucker is the latest drama to sweep at least two whole towns in Northern Westchester a New York City suburb somewhere above The Bronx.

The Nanny Fucker is notorious for hiring nannies, screwing them, marrying them, and then divorcing them for brand new nannies. Wow! Quite a racket!

The current count is: 3 nannies and 2 wives. He’s currently divorced but his kids are always well cared for, I guess…

Apparently Nanny Number 3 already has some suspicions about her employer-cum-lover-cum-husband-cum-ex-husband. Imagine that.

But the thing is, she expresses her rather understandable insecurity by planting seeds of suspicion with the wives of otherwise faithful husbands. Nanny Number 3 was heard saying this to a gregarious member of the Jewish Housewives:

“I saw your husband at the pizza place all the way in [town name here]. Why was he having lunch so far from where you two live?”

Another interesting fact about the Nanny Fucker is that he prefers Midwestern nannies. Almost every couple with kids in Northern Westchester has a nanny — it’s a particularly affluent area. All of these nannies are from South and Central America. I’ve never seen an American-born nanny in that neighborhood.

So the Nanny Fucker has bagged, and continues to bag, the only American-born nannies to ever invade the otherwise suburban quiet. To Midwestern nannies, Northern Westchester somewhere north of The Bronx must clearly be the nation’s hottest breeding ground for heights of eroticism and babysitting.

As the nanny’s kids say, “Sweet!.”

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