A Cut Above The Rest

I happen to think that a bris, or any type of ceremony that celebrates the mutilation of the human body, is a shande — a barbaric shande! Not to mention that chopping off the foreskin reduces penile sensitivity, thus making sex less pleasurable.

Keeping the car in the garage keeps its sheen. Same with the penis. In fact, I’d go as far as to say I have foreskin envy. I want mine back! It can be done but I’m not going to delve into that here (Google “foreskin restoration”).

Just try to have this conversation with a Jewish woman. I dare you. Jewish women can not have an intelligent conversation about foreskin. Worse is trying to discuss not having a bris with an expectant Jewish mother. The very mention of the word makes them cringe and gag. They become physically ill and even have trouble with the well-heeled ewww — a word that Jewish women, particularly JAPPY ones pronounce in three or four syllables.

For Jewish women, the “ewww factor” of an uncircumcised penis, on a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being the ewwwiest) is a 12.

Covenant shmuvenant.


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Joke of the Day: Crotchless Panties

Here’s some Borscht Belt-style goodness provided by Capettawitz.

Crotchless Panties

A lady who had been married for several years was growing more and more frustrated by her husband’s lack of interest in sex. She wondered about ways to add some pizzazz to their sexual relationship, and finally decided to purchase some crotchless underwear she had seen in a lingerie shop.

One evening when she was feeling particularly desirous, and he was, as usual, watching television, she took a shower, freshened up, and donned the crotchless undies, and a slinky negligee.

She then strolled between her husband and the television, and suggestively tossed one leg up on his chair arm.

“Want some of this?” she purred.

“Are you kidding?” he replied. “Look what it did to your underwear.”

Crotchless Undies