Watch this clip from Jimmy Kimmel Live:

For me, I’ve been concerned recently that I haven’t been worrying about the right things. In other words, instead of being concerned that I’ve been using pot as an anti-depressant — a reasonable health concern — I’ve been worrying these five extra pounds — not a reasonable health concern.

So in 2009 I’d like to resolve to use the time I spend worrying more constructively. I may even try “Jewish multitasking” — which would be worrying about more than one thing at a time.

And you? What are your Jew Year’s resolutions?

Leave us a comment and let us know! (Register using the link on the right-hand sidebar to comment.)

But if  you’ve never hugged a Jew, now’s your chance!

My old high school buddy Lew invited me to participate in the “Official Hug A Jew Day” (the link is to the big event’s Facebook group). I can’t tell you how excited I am.

Well I’m not that excited yet because there’s still so much time until the big event. The event starts on February 2nd and ends February 3rd.

That’s not really all that much time is it? And I have so much to do to get prepared. What will I wear? Now I’m starting to worry. I may need that hug earlier than expected.

No, I’ll wait. I shouldn’t spoil the event.

Now here is how one celebrates Hug A Jew Day:

• Every Jew that you see you must address with a hug

 

• This is an events for everyone around the world, Jews and non-Jews to hug Jews.

 

• This group is for anyone to join, that is except Jew-haters.

 

• Jew, in this event includes any sect or part of Jewishness (half, quarter, traditional, conservative, reform, orthodox, chareide, chabad, ALL JEWS INCLUDED).

 

• Remember, invite all your friends and lastly everyone, HAPPY HUGGING!!

 

And, don’t forget this special note, also from the event’s Facebook group:

some religious jewish people can not touch the other sex so be careful if you have the slightest doubt you may want to ask them if you can hug them

To join the festivities, visit: Official Hug A Jew Day.

Oh, and of course, Jews have both February 2nd and 3rd off from work!

They decided not to break out the birthday hats, horns and barbed wire and resisted the call of the Fatherland to wish a happy birthday to New Jersey’s own Baby Hitler. Walmart, however, showed their anti-Semitic roots by supplying the baby Brown Shirt and his parents with the Nazi-fied birthday treat. Unlike Shoprite, Walmart jumped to the chance to inscribe the cake to Adolf Hitler Campbell. WTF??

Well actually, it’s not that much of a surprise. Wallmart really hates us.

First they run their “Merry Christmas” assault on Jewish shoppers (and we do shop!). “Happy Holidays,” the inclusive seasonal wish, used comfortably for decades, is simply not Christian enough for Walmart. They see it, as do the Fox ‘News’ crew as an “assault on Christmas.” Hey idiots, it’s not an assault. It’s just that JEWS DON’T CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS, assholes!!

Walmart just has a thing for Nazis. They once sold tee shirts with Nazi symbolism emblazoned upon them. Strange. Walmart censors CD’s and DVD’s with adult content yet they sell tee shirts with Nazi shit on them? Do they really think that the Jewish community will lay down and take this? Don’t think you can fool us just because you’re selling shirts wholesale!

So go ahead Walmart. Ignore Chanukah. Sell Nazi tee shirts. And, by all means, decorate cakes for Adolf Hitler. But rest assured, we will not take your shit!

It’s simple: Walmart Hates Jews! (Oh, I now have the domain WalmartHatesJews.com. I welcome your opinions on how we can use the site to embarrass Walmart!)

MSNBC’s Keith Olbermann and Rachel Maddow weigh in:

Click here to view the embedded video.

And, as I said to my friend Jim — a fellow Jew — enough with the silly gifts too! I don’t want them and quite frankly, getting presents during the holiday season is nothing more than an imposition. It also obligates me to fall to the out-of-control depths of American consumerism and that’s not right. Like we need an excuse to buy things? Our culture’s answer to everything — even terrorism — is to spend. New Yorkers remember but the fools in the middle of our country (that’s practically everyone!) that Giuliani’s answer to the destruction of the Twin Towers was, “Shop.” So enough with the holidays already!