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Old Jokes. New Post: The Borscht Belt

January 8th, 2009 2 comments

This virtual cornucopia of Borscht Belt jokes was sent to us by Capettawitz.

You may remember the old Jewish Catskill comics of Vaudeville days, Shecky Green, Red Buttons, Tottie Fields, Milton Berle, Henny Youngman, Myron Cohen and others?

Tottie Fields
Milton Berle

You’ve probably heard of them before, but don’t you miss their humor if you were old enough? Not one single swear word in their comedy.

A car hit an elderly Jewish man. The paramedic says, ‘Are you comfortable? ‘ The man says, ‘I make a living.’

I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

What are three words a woman never wants to hear when she’s making love? ‘Honey, I’m home!’

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night, only this time I stayed in the bathroom and cried.

My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.

I was just in London; there is a 6-hour time difference. I’m still confused. When I go to dinner, I feel sexy. When I go to bed, I feel hungry.

The Doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn’t pay his bill, so the doctor gave him another six months.

The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, ‘Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. ‘ Mrs. Cohen answered, ‘So did my arthritis!’

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New series. Old jokes: The Borscht Belt

February 20th, 2008 No comments

What’s The Borscht Belt (or Jewish Alps) you ask?  Click here to find out.


The Joke: “The Haircut”

A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, “How long before I can get a haircut?”

The barber looked around the shop full of customers and says, “About 2 hours.”

The guy leaves.

A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, “How long before I can get a haircut?”

The barber looked around at the shop and says, “About 3 hours.”

The guy leaves.

A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop again and asks, “How long before I can get a haircut?”

The barber looked around the shop and says, “About an hour and a half.”

The guy leaves.

The barber turns to a friend and asks, “Hey, Bill, do me a favor. Follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then he never comes back.”

A while later, Bill returns to the shop, laughing hysterically.

The barber, looking annoyed asks, “So where does that guy go when he leaves?”

Bill says, “Your house.”


Check out Laugh.com‘s Borscht Belt pages here.

[Contributed by Capettawitz]

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