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Posts Tagged ‘Asians and Jews’

Jew Home Videos

March 13th, 2009 No comments

It’s got explicit language. It’s got a twirling penis. It’s got Asians. It’s got racism. It’s got fatties and alcoholics. You may even get violently ill thanks to some shaky videography.

Most importantly, this home video’s got Jews! Here’s “Jews On A Cruise” by Justin Ross Lee:

Facebook doesn’t officially allow embedding of videos, so here’s the link.

Comments?

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Jews in Flight

February 3rd, 2009 No comments

Another schmeer of Borscht Belt-style yucks from, none other than, Capettawitz.

Jewish Joke of the Day

On a Northwest Airways flight from Atlanta, Georgia, a middle aged woman found herself sitting next to a man wearing a yarmulke.

Yarmulke at Judaica-mall.com

She called the attendant over to complain about her seating.

“What seems to be the problem, Madam?” asked the attendant.

“You’ve sat me next to a Jew!” I can’t possibly sit next to this strange man. Please find me another seat!”

“Madam, I will see what I can do to accommodate you, but the flight is virtually full today and I don’t know if there is another seat available.”

The woman shoots a snooty look at the snubbed Jewish man.

A few minutes later the attendant returned and said,

“Madam, the economy and club sections are full, however, we do have one seat in First Class.”

Before the lady had a chance to respond, the attendant continued,

“It’s only an exception that we make this kind of upgrade and I had to ask permission from the captain. But, given the circumstances, the captain felt that no one should be forced to sit next to an unpleasant person….”

The flight attendant turned to the Jewish man sitting next to her and said,

“So if you’d like to get your things, Sir, I have a comfortable seat for you in First Class.”

At this point, the surrounding passengers stood up and gave a standing ovation while the Jewish man walked up to the front of the plane.

The lady then said indignantly,

“The Captain must have made a mistake!”

To which the attendant replied,

“No Ma’am, Captain Cohen never makes a mistake!”

The fancy-schmancy yarmulke above can be purchased at Judaica Mall. And, check out Yale grad Justein Chenberger’s yarmulka. It’s deliciously Jewasian!

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Music makes the world go around?

January 14th, 2009 1 comment

Jews love musicals. We love watching them, we love to sing along with our favorite show tunes, and, of course, we love writing and producing them!

Jews and Musicals

Asians, particularly Koreans, love Karaoke.

Jews love Asians.

Therefore, you must see this YouTube video of a Korean kid singing Mariah Carey‘s “Touch My Body” or, in Korean Karaoke, “Tuts My Barreh.” It is subtitled — in English — for your amusement.


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Jews and Koreans

January 8th, 2009 4 comments

They’re oddly compatible. My brother married one. In fact many Jews think that Koreans are descendents of the Ten Lost Tribes of Israel.

I mentioned this to my sister-in-law who corrected me. According to her Jews are descendents of the Ten Lost Tribes of Korea.

Lost Tribe of Korea?


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All-ergies; Everything to Sneeze At!

January 7th, 2009 1 comment

Moving

Oy, what a week. I had to move out of my place in Culver City (that’s a story for another blog post). I hate moving. Packing really butts up against my obsessive-compulsive disorder. It takes me hours, it seems, to pack a box. First I must sort and then clean everything going into the box — even electrical cables get Windexed prior to boxing.

Needless to say my grumpy Korean partner became even more grumpy (and, by extension I suppose, more Korean) and threatened to pack those dirty cables if I didn’t pick up the pace. Of course I couldn’t have that. He won. I picked up the pace. At least I convinced him to label the boxes, another OCD-inspired affliction of mine.

So we finally finished, packed our possessions in a U-Haul and unloaded them in a friend’s garage in Silver Lake, where we will be staying temporarily. We finished rather late in the evening. Both exhausted, we headed for bed. Not our bed, of course, but Maria’s guest bed. It’s comfortable but a full-size. A tad too small for the two of us. We made do.

What I couldn’t hack, however, was the down pillow I found under my head. I asked Lee to switch pillows with me. His was a poly-filled, hypoallergenic number. I had to have it! I made the move for a pillow switch. Grumpily, he asked what I was doing (the maneuver must have awakened him, but this was a matter of life or sneezing!). I explained that I was allergic to feather pillows. Allergies

He was perplexed. Not only could he not understand how someone could be allergic to feathers, he couldn’t fathom how I even knew I was.

I explained that at an early age, perhaps four or five years old, my mother told me, in no uncertain terms, that I was allergic to everything. There was nothing on the face of the earth that would make me sneeze and features were just the tip of the Greenberg (iceberg).

Dust, mold, mildew, grass, pollen, dust mites, bees, you name it. They all contributed to my bouts with hay fever. And if the mere suggestion of being allergic to everything wasn’t enough, I was taken by my mother each week to the allergist for shots for all of these supposed allergens.

A scratch test, when an allergist literally scratches allergens on a patient’s arm and then waits for a reaction, is the typical method of discovering whether or not one has allergies. I did not have scratch tests, however. My doctor and I relied on my Jewish mother’s word. In those days a Jewish mother’s word trumped any test any doctor could perform.

From childhood on, my experience with allergies has been a constant and arduous process of elimination: To find out what doesn’t make me wheeze.

Sneeze graphic from: Allergy Help.


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Erev Christmas

December 24th, 2008 No comments

Erev Christmas

 

As is tradition for the Jewish people, after sundown tonight Jews will gather and eat treif in Chinese restaurants nationwide.

Chopsticks

Then, as is commanded, we will go to the movies.

 

So, the ObsessiveJew.com poll for tonight is:

 

[poll id=”4″]

 

A Jew (and two goys) On Christmas

As is tradition for Jews on Christmas, we broke bread at a Chinese restaurant: Genghis Cohen in Hollywood.

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Just a Thought

December 20th, 2008 No comments

Chinese couples should be adopting Jewish babies.

It’s only fair.

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Kimchi for thought: Koreans are just like Jews…

January 3rd, 2008 2 comments

Sure, everyone knows about the affinity between the Jews and Chinese. Jews are practically raised on Chinese food, practicing a decades-long tradition of flocking to Chinese restaurants each and every Sunday night and, of course, on Christmas eve. In fact, I believe there is a Hebrew prayer said over the egg roll.

Like to the Jews, food is very important to the Chinese. Other cultural similarities exist too: an emphasis on education, parental pressure to succeed and having a mind for business. Some would even say the Chinese are cheap. Cheaper than the Jews.

Kimchi

 

However, what’s not common knowledge among the Jewish people is our similarity to the Koreans. They too share our food = love dysfunction and value education to the point that they too inflict excruciating pressure on their young to succeed. Korean Americans are upwardly mobile and will generally stop at nothing to prove it.  

 

As my old friend Wahn, a Korean American, told me (he grew up in the mixed Korean and Jewish community of Short Hills, New Jersey):

“Koreans are just like Jews, but without the sense of humor.”

That statement just made me shudder. According to Wahn, Koreans are, apparently, even more Jewish than Jews.

Jewish humor at its ‘best.'” A Jewish humor site.


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