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Now that’s comedy!

July 21st, 2009 No comments

Here are a couple of “zingers” sent to us by our Borscht Beltiest contributor, Capettawitz.

“Morris”

In the late 1930’s, Morris Rabinowitz fled his native Germany. He sold all his assets, converted it to gold, and then had 5 sets of solid gold false teeth made.

When he arrived in New York, the customs official was perplexed as to why anybody would have five sets of gold teeth. So Morris explained:

“We Jews have two separate sets of dishes for meat products and dairy products, but I am so kosher and religious I also have separate sets of teeth.”

The customs official shook his head and said,

“Well that accounts for two sets of teeth.  What about the other three?”

Morris then said,

“Vell, us very religious Jews use separate dishes for Passover, but I am so religious I have separate teeth, one for meat and one for dairy food.”

The customs official slapped his head and then said,

“You must be a very religious man with separate teeth for food and dairy products and likewise for Passover.  That accounts for four sets of teeth.  What about the fifth set?”

“Vell, to tell you the truth, once in a while I like a ham sandwich.”

Here’s a another zing…zing…zinger! I warn you though, it’s shticky:

A Jewish guy in a London Hotel calls the operator and asks, in broken English with a heavy Lithuanian-Yiddish accent, for the number: 266419.

A short time later there is a knock at the door, and, when he opens the door, he sees two beautiful and sexy girls, who ask him:

“Are you the guy who ordered: “two shikses for one night?”

I know. I know. I’m just the messenger.

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Pain in the Tuchus: Yiddish Word of the Week

January 26th, 2009 No comments

This week’s word is Tuchus.

Some dictionaries spell it like this: Tuchis.

No matter how you spell it, its definition remains the same. Here goes:

Tuchus (also Tuchis)
noun | slang
Buttocks, rear end, butt

 

Uses: “This job is a pain in the tuchus.” Or, “Irving is working his tuchus off!”

Please feel free to leave us your own uses of the word tuchus in our comments section.

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Categories: Yiddish Tags: , ,

Yiddish is the way to go!

January 21st, 2009 No comments

This video speaks, well sings, for itself:

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Categories: Oy Vey, Shtick, Yiddish Tags: ,

Yiddish Word of the Week

January 18th, 2009 No comments

In this new series on ObsessiveJew.com we will explore a different Yiddish word each week.

This will either help you to expand your Yiddish vocabulary (though since this is a nearly dead language, that has almost no practical value), or vastly increase your ability to hurl insults at just about anyone for doing just about anything you don’t like (this has immense practical value!).

Our first word is Schmuck.

schmuck (also shmuck)
noun informal pejorative
A foolish or contemptible person. A dimwitted fool or an unwanted guest. A clumsy or stupid person; an oaf.
ORIGIN late 19th cent.: from Yiddish shmok penis.’

Schmucku.com defines a schmuck’s behavior as ranging from “A schmuck’s behavior ranges from pesky and inconsiderate, to obnoxious and manipulative. A schmuck’s personality type ranges from jerk to bastard.”
One site even features a “Shmuck of the Month!” (The site’s most-recently featured schmuck is Joe Lieberman.)

 

From Answers.com: Pronounce Schmuck:
[quicktime width=”200″ height=”100″]http://content.answers.com/main/content/ahd4/pron/S0138400.wav[/quicktime]

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Categories: Yiddish Tags: , ,