Jews on a Plane

“Jews on a Plane”

Created by Kent Victor Schuelke and Written by Larry Silverman

Here’s the script:

“Why can’t I carry my bag on the plane?”

“What, no meal? I paid $300 for this ticket and all I get is a little bag of peanuts and a package of Biscoff cookies. I can’t eat the cookies. I have to watch my blood sugar.”

We got better service traveling to the camps than we get on this airline.”

“Stewardess, can I get a blanket?”

“Stewardess, can I get a pillow?”

“Two dollars for some earphones? You cheap bastards. Just give me the fakakta Sky Mall catalog.”

“I didn’t see the seat belt sign. I was in the bathroom. Forgive me for having a small bladder.”

“I should have flown Eastern Airlines to Miami. Now that’s an airline!”

  • This post was inspired by my parent's visit to Los Angeles.

  • The director's cut of “Jews On A Plane” will no doubt have commentary from writer Larry Silverman, but until then here is his answer to the question, “What inspired you to write this?”

    According to Larry, “Someone facetiously suggested this as a movie idea. So, I decided to get working on the script immediately.”

  • Kent Victor Schuelke

    You better not try to Jew me out of any of the film's profits.

    Signed your goy pal,


  • Oy. Dear sweet Kent.

    We don't use the term “Jew me out of…” any more. However, I posted your comment to make that point and to drive it home for our readers.

    Plus, now I have a reason to not include you in any of the film's profits. (Notice I DID NOT say, “…now I have a reason to 'Jew you out of' any of the film's profits.”)

    • Kent Victor Schuelke

      Hahahahahaahaha…Yes, I knew the term “Jew me out of…” was not a polite term, nor one I would say publicly where someone would misunderstand and think that I meant it. The show “Family Guy” had its protagonist Peter attending a Temple and trying to pass as a Hasidic Jew and he makes the remark, “I tried to 'us' them down…” So, since “Family Guy” got away with the joke, I thought I'd see if it would pass muster on But for the record, no one should ever use this phrase. My gentile mother used to say this phrase, and not ironically as I used it. But this white old lady from Iowa now has Jewish women friends (with whom she plays Bridge) and she no longer utters anti-Semitic remarks!

      • Kent all is forgiven! You are nothing less than a mensch!