You Should Only Listen

The following are bits of living room chatter heard after a good Shabbath:


On the fabulous hour-long, season premiere of the female killer series Snapped on Oxygen (the best show I’ve seen in ages!), the prosecutor said that the perpetrator wished for the victim to be deceased.” Ah. edumacated White Trash prosecutors.

Erik was feeling horny. He expressed his ho-ishness by telling us, “I’m feeling so rancid!” We think he meant randy.

On Religion:

Jesus is not the Son of God. Like any other good Jewish mother, Mary treated him — her first born son — like god. The Apostles just misunderstood.

Scientologists are space alien-worshiping Freemasons.

Martha (not her real name): “In a weird way I wish Tom Cruise was dead.” Ed: “Don’t you mean you want him deceased?” (See above)

Absolutely Meshuga:

Martha: I’m obsessed with an obscure disorder. It’s called Pixie Face Syndrome.